About Me

Name: Joyanna Adams
Biography
Loading...

Create Your Own Blog Find Other Townhall Blogs

Comments

Archives

Blog Search

Blog Roll

 

Smashing the Statue of Liberty, Davos Style

Nobody’s Opinion: I was thinking about the only time I really won anything tonight. It happened when I was running through a K-Mart to get something quickly because I was late for work. There on a table at the entrance was a five-foot-tall Statue of Liberty made out of Legos.
 
It was pretty cool. Even I had to stop running and admire.
 
According to the rules--you would be the winner of the contest if you could guess how many Lego’s were in the Statue of Liberty. I took my best educated guess, slip my paper into the slot, and ran out the door.
 
I was one Lego off.
 
I don’t remember the exact winning number right now, something like 14,342. You can imagine my surprise when I got a call a week later saying that I won three sets of Legos, which was fine because my son was about eight. He spent hours upon hours destroying and rebuilding, destroying and rebuilding, destroying and rebuilding…
 
Bear with me here. My mind has been on this destroying and rebuilding theme for a while, but like a good trained “don’t you dare think that” gerbil, I, like many Americans have been refusing to admit what’s happening right before our eyes, because it’s way too insidious. I don’t want to sound like a stress puppy, but I simply don’t know how much longer we can refute the inevitable facts before us.
 
We are being downsized--- the real America is being exterminated, for a “reason.” A few more generations and it will be gone.
 
Don’t tell me all that all this global propaganda that we get hit with every day of our lives is not getting to you? You’d have to be complete “it will get better” denial to not notice it.
 
For instance, today, Comrade Post-Dispatch, has come out with a new special little section for their paper called, “Together We Will Rise Up.” It’s all about different “racial” issues and how we are all must love each other---as if we don’t now. Come together all you workers! I swear, this stuff is right out of the communist manifesto, and yet, because our schools have been so controlled there are only a handful of people that know what communism is.
 
And it’s coming to us fast in a new word: Globalization. America is being destroyed, in the name of globalization, purposely, in order to rebuild a “service” economy, designed by the powerbrokers of Davos, and Bilderberg.
 
If you have never heard of these organizations, it’s because they prefer you not to. These people that attend these secret meetings now “brag” about their global plans. Oh, and they all love democracy.
 
Don’t you believe it.
 
While many of our great conservative leaders are starting to see this: I fear it will be too late before they wake up to the fact that there no longer is a republic run by Republicans and Democrats, but a truly entrenched--- New World Order. President George W. Bush, John McCain, Obama, and the Clintons (who you notice NEVER talk about the Mexicans) are absolute proof that they don’t give a twit about whether the American people want to merge with Mexico. The treaty has been signed, the documents for all to see. They all know the plans, they all helped with them.
 
 Did we get to vote on this? You can’t fix a problem if you never admit you have one.
 
Now, don’t get me wrong. Our founders made a hell of system, and it stills stands like a brilliant diamond if used in the right hands. There just aren’t too many of those hands left.
 
Think back…how many times did daddy Bush talk about the New World Order? Or Bill Clinton? Or the many English Prime Ministers? They weren’t just filling up speeches here folks, they were telling you something.
 
Wake up. These people have big Lego plans.
 
First, destroy the America’s infrastructure and its middle class by merging the banks, creating vast monopolies, getting control of the great food basket of Middle America, the transportation, and monitoring us all like sheep.
 
We have just been told that over 1,000 fires were started in California in two days all by lighting? Do you buy that?
 
Also, most of the Midwest has been drowned this spring by over 27 levees all breaking like a well planned demolition. They even tell you when it’s going to “flood” like clockwork, and at what time. The whole state of Iowa, including all the crops, was flooded with more rain that has ever been recorded. Do you really think this is global warming?
 
You know, realistically speaking, they do have the technology to seed the clouds, to produce floods, to even control a Hurricane. What an easy way to gain control of the one of the greatest bread baskets of the world. The government can’t buy up those farms fast enough.
 
Why did Bush insist on ethanol, which caused our food prices to explode? Is he that stupid? Or is he that smart? The man who warned us that we should let Dubai buy our ports?
 
 Oh, he can say clever stuff now---why not? Was he running around for eight years saying “We must drill!” No, he mentioned it, what…once, twice? Gee, a little more effort would have been nice.
 
Listen: Alan Greenspan, according to Matt Whitmore of Newsmax, once complained that it was a big job to deal with over 22,000 banks. This was in 1987. Within a decade the small town bank disappeared. Now we have only about 15 super banks….how nice. In fact, in all business, just during the last few decades, the big guys have gobbled up all the little guys. Who are these guys that sit on this Federal Reserve and suck us dry? Do you know their names? Well, I don’t.
 
But I have an American Dream. I’d like to build perfect little model Lego’s of all those Gods of Davos who want to destroy America. I’d put them on display, in the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, hold a contest for someone to guess how many Legos are in the display, and the winner would get to smash them, right under the Statue of Liberty.
 
And I would stand around, just in case the winner needed some help.
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Amy Winehouse Does Have a Perfect Mole

Nobody's Perfect: Today, we found out the real reason seventeen young women in an American High School made a pack to all get pregnant at once; they wanted to be just like Amy Winehouse, who despite her name, prefers harder stuff.

Why you might ask?

As you can see from this picture, Amy loves fast food. She also loves crack. And nothing gives you the munchies faster than smoking crack, grass, uppers, downers, and then putting a fake beauty mole on the top of your lip, tatooing strange women on your armpits, and starting roach mobiles in your hair.

It also gets you very rich.

And since being very, very thin, makes you very, very popular in high school, most of those pregnant girls were probably overweight anyway...or if not thought they were, so why not get pregnant? Having a baby gives them an excuse to pig out, eat, and sit around together wondering just when Amy is going to die. There is even a website to take your bets. It's called, "When Will Amy Winehouse Die? Predict it here!"

No. I did not make that up.

And no, I will not link you. Find it yourself, you sick twisted freak, as Glenn Beck would say. (Wow, that was rough!)

But what do I know? I went on Amy's website. As a former "singer" I have to admire what she has done with her eye makeup. Her mom, must have played a lot of Petula Clark and old Cilla Black records, because she actaully can sing...well, the few lines I heard.

Which makes it that much sadder that she has an addiction to gas...no, I mean smoking crack.

Today, her doctor told her her lungs look pretty bad, she has emphysema and an irregular heart beat,---and if she continues to smoke drugs and being the all around party-hardy female Queen of Evil, she might not make it to her upcoming Birthday party for Nelson Mandela.

And Nelson, who spent all those years in prison, needs to hear the uplifting voice, of a strung out drug addict, about to keel over, young rock and roll singer.

Hey, it's his birthday, I say...go for it.

All I have left to say is the B=52's are still alive. That's all I have to say.

Amy...baby...call your mom, and can I have the mole?

 

Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Purple People Eaters Eat Purple People Whiners

Nobody's Opinion: NBC’s Brain Williams recently announced to a graduating class these ominous words: “You need to fix your country.” This remark drove Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, and just about every conservative within a few feet of a public microphone so crazy, they were hyperventilating with bloated examples of our country’s great wealth.
 
Why, there is nothing wrong with America! We are just going through a “cyclic” economic cycle! Even our poor people are fat and have big TV’s! What’s wrong with you lazy, spoiled rotten baby boomers! Why--- you’re parents went through WWII, and how about that depression! You’re a bunch of whiners!
 
So said the great Rush Limbaugh today, (Okay, due to problems with "crashing" e-mail servers, "today" was last week...but it's still releveant.) until the end of his radio program, when a man said that in reality, maybe the government should step in: something is very wrong when 90 percent of the wealth is owned by 10 percent of the people.
 
Well, Rush had to leave…sorry…get to that some other day.
 
It’s an especially scary time for Republicans. We all witness the major damage they did when they got the reigns of power in 2000. The money didn’t trickle down, it trickled out.
 
 Thus, it’s hard to watch the current waves of conservative panic---and also watch Obama milk it for all it’s worth. Telling us all to “Don’t worry, be happy folks” is not helping the conservative power base one iota.
 
If they keep up this insanity, the insanity of pretending all our problems are just a small bump on the road to success, Obama will be elected, O'Reilly will have to leave the country, communism will overtake America sooner rather than later and it will be the Republicans fault.
 
After all they were the last ones standing.
 
The truth is; the majority of Americans are sick of both parties…the socialist/ communist Democrats and the big business will solve everything Republicans. We have an oligarchy of politicians fighting at the top for control of the global market, representing not the purple people out here in America, but the concerns of the big American multinational companies, who have taken away our manufacturing good paying jobs and replaced them with “service” jobs. Our political system is corrupted to the core.
 
And that’s not just a Nobody’s Opinion™. If you believe all the polling data, that’s a pretty well know fact. As Lou Dobb says, the middle class of America is being destroyed without a concern about any of the lives or the country that once was.
 
It seems the only real wealth to be made now is in stocks. And the rich have lots of stocks---Don’t you? Bill O’Reilly said that if anyone took more than 15 percent of his capital gains he was leaving the country.
 
What a whiner.
 
Let’s take Rush’s argument. So what if college is more out of the reach of most Americans now, the family unit is in deep trouble, our schools are among the worst on the planet, our food is being contaminated, and the reason our poor people are so fat is because they can only afford the cheap cereal and cheap bread in their local grocery stores, due to the fact that all manufacturing jobs are gone, and service jobs don’t pay as much.
 
The poor can get a cheap TV at Wal-Mart! Wow!
 
So Rush---lets’ go back. Suppose the great Limbaugh was talking to the people of 1776. They may not have had dishwashers or televisions, but they didn’t know what they were missing now did they? Let’s say they had radios and Rush was calling them all whiners because they were complaining too much. Why, the people in the Stone Age never had it so good! Suck it up, Boston!
 
They were being taxed, their tea was taxed, their papers were taxed, and it was pretty hard to have money to do much of anything else. Much like today, only we have it worse in comparison to their taxes.
 
On top of that, they had a King overseas who was telling them pretty much…buckle up, shut up, and pay the tax, you ungrateful whiners…
 
And talk about whiners. George Washington was one of the biggest. So were John Adams, Sam Adams, Thomas Paine, and Thomas Jefferson. The Declaration of Independence is one big whine session.
 
Well, so we don’t work as hard as they did, right Rush? Tell that to the man who’s holding down three service jobs because he lost his manufacturing job overseas.
 
We work until May for the government. And this mess is not “cyclic.” Even John McCain has told us those jobs are never coming back.
 
The shout from our great conservative leaders has been…basically daily denial.
 
While all the great conservative minds keep reminding us that capitalism and the great companies like GM, Wal-Mart are just great, they don’t have to shop there. It wasn’t Saks Fifth Avenue that wiped out the Middle Class.
 
Free market means competition, right? More choice---right? Tell me. Have Americans got more choices now? That’s the trouble with capitalism, it needs referees. It’s pretty simple really. Our founders knew that power corrupts almost all “elites” so they tried to put in a three-party system. But there is no system to check and balance big companies that have money to influence big politicians, and that’s where America has finally come, and the Marxists are loving every conservative blunder. There used to be anti-trust laws? What happened to them?
 
Actually, I tend to disagree with Rush. Rush telling us not to whine is just as offensive as Obama telling us what “we” will do.
 
I think we need more whiners not less. Before the purple people-eaters of a One World Government eats us all up.
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Recounting Kevin Spacey

Nobody’s Perfect: Kevin Spacey---when I say just his name, I picture Will Robertson stoking up a reefer filled with Manhattan Silver. (That’s white marijuana grown from the seeds of the marijuana flushed down New York Toilets, for those who do not dare care, like me.)
 
As an actor he has done some very notable work---almost a perfect career. Kevin likes to do movies to express his liberal beliefs. I believe Kevin really cares about America….but he has some major flaws, as does his new HBO movie, Recount.
 
In Recount, Kevin plays a frustrated lawyer (Ron Klein) who works for Al Gore during the 2000 Florida Presidential recount. Recount is all about the fact that the Democrats believe that Al Gore should have become President.
 
So why wait eight long years to come out with a movie about it?
 
Does the fact that the Democratic Party in Florida has purposely, once again, messed up everyone’s vote this year, mean anything? Is there any doubt that Hillary Clinton will use the 2000 mess that happened to Al Gore to support her reasoning for somehow getting into office? Florida---once again, disenfranchised.
 
And why bring this up now---on Memorial Day weekend? When everyone is stuck at home watching Stooges reruns due to the price of gas? How propitious!
 
 As Kermit the Frog once said, “There are no coincidences.”
 
Kevin’s flaw is not his acting, or his passion, or his proclivity for going bald. He is very much a progressive liberal, but he still wants a career, so when he was on Charlie Rose last week promoting the movie, he tried to make the case that Recount is really just all about the sad fact that we will never know who really won that election. Al Gore probably did win the election, Kevin admitted. And what a more wonderful world it would be right now if he had.
 
Poor Kevin…still tortured. Where’s a sixteen-year-old virgin when you need one?
 
In scene after scene, the rich Republicans lawyers had big expensive suits and big offices. The poor Democrat lawyers were crowded into public government offices, and having to get their own coffee. All I could think of while watching this drama was---don’t they realize that some of us out here in America were actually alive in 2000?
 
As I remember, the recount was thought by most every American to be a big joke, and the only one from either party that stood by the rule-of-law was Katherine Harris, a woman that drove them all mad. No matter how hard she tried to follow the law, someone was calling her a monster.
 
And boy, do they vilify her in this movie. They make her out to be some kind of moronic self-loving cowgirl idiot.
 
Remember how they made fun of her makeup? They still do in the movie. It’s actually quite amazing how Hollywood can take any insignificant fact, and make it look like Armageddon—Katherine Harris’s makeup was bound to end the nation as we know it.
 
Remember when that video of Tom Cruise jumping with happiness on a couch claiming monogamous love for his wife on Oprah put Hollywood’s gay lobby agenda and the liberal attack on the family unit into absolute horror? Tom almost lost his beloved box office popularity on that sin.
 
Yes, Hollywood is truly amazing. Recount actually shows that it was the Democrats that caused the problem in the first place. They messed up the ballots, the first recount, the second recount; the third recount…the whole mess was caused by them. And yet, it was still presented that it was only those rich Republicans who were corrupt.
 
Never underestimate good editing and good background music. Hollywood can sell you anything.
 
In the final scene at the Supreme Court, amazingly Gore’s lawyer made the point that when a voter made a mistake at the ballot box, it should be counted no matter what. All a voter has to do is show up. Let someone else write in whatever they like. God Bless America! Or is it, the Florida Republic of Zimbabwe?
 
In the end, they let Baker make a statement that our Founders system of checks and balances really did work, despite the corruption of both parties, and I agree.
 
So, if John McCain wins the next election…will “spacey” Kevin be recounting? All those brand new electronic voting machines are going to make it so much easier to cheat. No paper trail, just a flick of the old keyboard.
 
Kevin might not be happy to hear tht the word recount will no longer be an option.
 
And you thought you'd never long for another hanging chad....
Tags: Politics  
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Gators At the White House Door

Nobody Flashes Anymore: While everyone has been very surprised about Scott McClellan's latest trashing of his old buddy President Bush...

There was at least one person who was not surprised. (A person who wishes to remain annyomous due to his upcoming pending book signing, called.."Snakes in the Oval Grass." )

This picture was taken right outside the Oval Office. It seems, because the door was always locked, Scott had to resort to writing a book about just how much he hated the President, when his first plan didn't work.

It also presents something we the taxpayers rarely witness---our taxes being used for something good.

Of course, I made all this up....or did I? Anyone who wishes to publish my tell-all book that I may or may not know about everyone, just contact my mail man...I promise to trash as many people as it will take to make you money.

Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Nobody Looks for Good News

Nobody Cares; Here’s the question: How long do we have to wait before we hear some good news? Good news about anything?
 
Turn on your radio, TV, read the papers…it’s no wonder we’re all fat. I don’t know about you, but my cortisone levels are on Deft-Con Fourteen. They passed Def-Con Five about fifteen years ago. Two years of continuous political crap has put most everyone on, “about to explode” ---caution.
 
Sure, Rush Limbaugh has won his “Operation Chaos,” but what might come of that? John McCain? A man who but for one point, is the Democrat’s near clone.
 
Sure, George Bush is finally getting some good wins in Iraq, although small, it’s a start. But so what? We’re proud of our soldiers, but are we really any safer? If we were, President Bush would not keep coming out every month and telling us how scared he is that there is going to be another major attack.
 
Sure, we got some of our money given back to us in a “stimulus package” this year, but most people are so far in debt, that little bit will not stimulate anything except maybe Spielberg, who will get a few more bucks than he would have otherwise if the release of Indiana Jones had not been planned for Memorial Day weekend…right after many had just gotten their checks.
 
Sure, it’s the first time a woman and a “black” man have run for the Presidency in America, but so what? Hillary is no Margaret Thatcher, and Obama is a long shot from a Justice Clarence Thomas. In fact, if either one of them become President we might as well go ahead and merge with China. Which----seems to be the plan. Today it was reported that we are training Chinese air marshals. America has trained more of her future enemies than any other nation.
 
And let’s not even talk about the immigration problem. No---no.
 
Sure, we might get universal health care, but that only means that all the baby boomers will just die off sooner waiting for some doctor to find the time to do their surgery.
 
Sure, a lot of people are excited about Ellen DeGeneres getting to marry her sexy female sweetheart, but we also had to watch her push her “na, na na na na na” on John McCain and Laura Bush. She showed no class doing that---none.
 
And no Ellen, I am not like you. (Ellen likes to keep reminding everyone she is just like everyone) Kissing another female would be to me, like being forced to French kiss my dog. I love my dog, but…no thanks.
 
Now, add on to the doomsday list tornadoes, earthquakes, wildfires, chemicals being put into our food to get us addicted, contaminated water, public schools that can’t even teach kids the basics, multinational companies and lobbyist running our government, societal pornification, and the fascist state of the government running every single thing in your life. How in the world can any sane person be positive?
 
And even if Rosie O’Donnell has been quiet…just give her a few months, she’ll be back.
 
And then, as if to rub salt in our stressed filled, debt-filled cavities, our leaders are always spouting about how wonderful it is that China is now getting a middle class. The CEO’s of the big companies call the American pain in this little globalization downsizing--- “localized.”
 
 I’d like to localize some of them.
 
And how about the cost of gas, food, and the electric? Wait---you say you’re company was just bought up by some international conglomerate? Don’t worry---be happy.
 
I turned on O’Reilly tonight, and I saw pictures of girls beating each other up, and a man kissing his 12-year-old bride. Yep, I threw the remote control at least two feet. That was enough. I turned off the set, got my swimsuit on, went out to my very “old” hot tub, and floated in the water---just floated.
 
I listened to the sound of the birds, each one melodiously singing to me. Distinct, sweet, calming. You know, they all get together at sunset and just gossip--- it’s a joy.
 
I watched the sun set. I looked up at my maples in full leafy glorious green, over my head. Instantly, my body, my soul, felt so much better. I found heaven in my own back yard.
 
 So--- the bad news continues, and it seems it will only get worse. But there is good news.
 
God is still all around us, all we have to do is reach for him.
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

The Stone is Gone (And so is Sharon)

Nobody Knows: In April of 1997, William Cohen, who was Bill Clinton's Secretary of Defense at the time, made this statement---

"Other's are engaging even an eco-type of terrorism whereby they can alter the climate, set off earthquakes, volcanoes, remotely through the use of Electro-Magnetic waves. So there are plenty of ingenious minds out there that are at work finding ways in which they can wreak terror upon other nations. It's real..."

This raises a few minor question:

Is Sharon Stone smoking again? (She said today the earthquake in China was caused by bad karma)

AND.. When it comes to countries using weather manipulation instead of conventional warfare...just who decides what to use?

If they send us a hurricane...do we send a series of tornadoes? If they send a series of F5 tornadoes, do we send two tsunami's and a flood? If they send fire, do we send droughts? I mean, who exactly is deciding the protocol of rules for waging weather wars?

Will we find an outrage some day in papers around the world saying, "The United States has caused an earthquake in Iran---we have pictures!" In the picture will be a man, naked, being forced to push a button at the HAARP station with his tongue.

AND---Why didn't Kurt Vonnegut brag more about that nerdy brother of his, Bernard Vonnegut...who helped invent silver iodide, an agent so efficient that a few pounds of it would in theory suffice to seed the entire North American sky? (According to Vanity Fair)

You could just put some of this stuff into a rain cloud and...vavooommm!

The Chinese, in 2006 launched 80,000 rockets of this stuff...Thousands of nerdy Chinese guys stand outside doing nothing but aiming guns at the sky over there. GE is just so excited.

Of course, even though William Cohen admitted it was real, you won't hear a word spoken of it anywhere...just reports on Global warming, and hey, be very scared when you're hit by that F5 coming...we have no idea what is causing the strength of these storms...just no idea.

The question is: When will Americans find out that our Pentagon also uses it, even though it's been outlawed?

Nobody Knows----In the meantime, I suggest new boots.

I also suggest we look further into lives of the mothers of Sharon Stone and the Vonnegut brothers, and find out what they were eating while they were pregnant...that's a start.

Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Obama, IT IS A BIG DEAL!

Nobody's Opinion: When Francis Scott Keys stood on the HMS Tonnart, and watched Fort McHenry being attacked at the battle of Baltimore from it's British decks--- perhaps on this memorial day we should remember, that when a man...any man...does not salute the flag that honors the many thousands of Americans that fought and gave their lives for all that it stands for..
Well, let's just sing the words that he wrote.. and look at this picture.
 
And while you are looking at this picture, remember the thousands that spilled their blood...on the banks of Normandy, Bunker Hill, Iowa Jima, Baghdad, Korea...and in the hills of Italy, France, England, Africa, Philippines...
 
Men who lost limb, life, home, brothers and sisters, family...men (and women) who gave their own lives, most at such a young age, for America...for us.
 
And this guy can't even find it in himself to rise his hand.
 
It IS a big deal.
 
If you can picture a brave American dying soldier, bleeding into foreign soil, and then forgive Obama for not saluting...if you can picture the thousands of wives, and mothers, and children who had to live with just memories of their loved ones...and still support Obama... A man who just a few months ago stood here insulting those very memories... And then go on and elect that man as President of the United States. Then all those brave American men died in vain, and America is dead.
 
 Barack Obama, no matter how many American flags he drapes himself is from here on out...is only fit to be President of Harvard University.
 
The very fact that so many people want him to be President, after this despicable and treasonous act alone, is enough for this nobody to
be concerned that it might be too late.
 
 On this thunderous night, with a nation at war...may God be with us...

Oh say can you see, by the dawn's early light?
What so proudly we hailed, at the twilight's last gleaming... Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight. Over the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming. And the rockets red glare...the bombs bursting in air... Gave proof through the night, that our flag was still there. Oh say doesn't that Star Spangled Banner yet way? Over the land of the free...and the home of all....the brave.
Tags: Politics  
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Nobody Is Back---Sort of

Nobody's Fool:

If you have been paying attention to the news, and saw this...the headlines could very well have read:

Obama: "Well, we have to set an example to other nations. We just can't expect to keep buying all those computers and using up all that electricity...what would that be saying to nations all over the world? We must provide an example."

Hillary: "Get rid of those e-mails!"

McCain: "Hey, who threw out that TV set! We must not litter anymore!"

Okay...

I couldn't have picked a better time to suffer from the flu...I said I'd be back...but then, it hit me. I looked up from my pillow--noticed that the world was still almost absurd to infinity, and that only a fool would get up from their death flu bed and write about it.

I'm hoping for Memorial Day...yes...no matter how I feel, if the soldiers can suffer 170 degrees of sand in a hot tank, I can certainly pay them some tribute, and get back to being my nobody opinionated self.

In the meantime, sorry to all my readers for not explaining...it's just one of those things that women do now and then when they are not feeling well... But of course, if you are a man, you know that.

At least I didn't bring up a Kennedy assasination to make myself feel better.

Only a Clinton could pull that off---only a Clinton.

 

Tags: humor  
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Nobody Knows A Cold

Nobody Knows:---why there has been no cure for the common cold?

I'm taking the night off. Last night, my throat felt like I had swallowed a thousand small bullets of metal...like the roof of my mouth was being lazed red by a Russian Spy...thank goodness I'm a nobody, or my imagination would have taking off.

Okay, I don't need that excuse to have fun.

That waiter who kept looking at me so strange at the restaurant during Mothers Day, was really hired by the FBI to poison me for complaining the Hillary never puts the lid down. I might not live to see tomorrow.

Somewhere around two o'clock in the afternoon, the stuffy nose comes in, then the chest blows up--every part of your body hurts, including your little toe. Wait, try the rest of my foot that I dropped a four-pound package of hamburger on...two weeks ago'!It's still pounding.

You crave cherry popcylces, and there is a limited supply of Cherry. I've gone from soft Kleenix to cheap toilet paper, to napkins from the dollar store.

I wrote a piece today, but anyone who has read me for any length of time will be glad I decided NOT to finish it. It was called "Colonels in Love"...yeah...I know. Don't ask.

Hillary won in West Virginia, good reason also not to write. Simon, on American Idol, made some guy sing "Killing Me Softly" ...another reason.

My basement is flooded AGAIN---another reason. The rugs are rotting out as we speak, (okay, it's just me speaking here, I just like that phrase, sorry.) because there is no sun to dry them out in. Here in St. Louis we've had only 4 days in the last month in which it did NOT rain. There are tree limbs all over the yard...and yet, somewhere in this world there are some fools that are willing to risk their lives to climb Mt. Everest.

While they are freezing, I am going to take a hot bath, drink some hot chocolate, then settle down and watch those brave and half foolish people ( on my TV now) who think they can actually climb that huge beast.

"That was the last time I saw Rove alive."

Right now, there is a climber saying that he suffered from depression, and he found that when he drove his body hard, he felt better. In that case, not falling off the side would make anyone feel better, you don't have to be depressed.

Well, I'm NOT climbing Mt Everest's tonight. I've got an excellent excuse to do nothing, so that's what I'm going to do.

Oh, isn't this a cute picture? These two are best buddies. Life can be good, especially when you know you've only got the flu, and you know you will never have to climb Mt. Everest...

The flu I can survive, Mt. Everest on the other hand...probably not.

"The day was beautiful, there wasn't a cloud out there."

"He was last seen, climbing back up the ridge."

"The storm was coming very fast..."

"We were walking right into the storm..."

Yep, that we are---- maybe I'll sleep in my snow suit.

See you tomorrow.

 

Tags: humor  
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Thank You Barbara Walters!

Nobody's Perfect: Hey, I already miss her---Barbara Walters. It's only been a few days since she was all over the networks bragging about how she had an affair with some black senator so long ago...and no one found out about it.

As if we care.

What is amazing is that here is a woman, who had a very noticeable lisp, and yet, somehow, through sheer tenacity and lots of help from "feminists" with ties to democratic and liberal agendas, she became the most powerful women in news, and the most highly paid. A man with such a lisp would never have gotten as far.

Barbara--Bill Reilly thanks you. You blazed the way for all his beautiful nightly pundits. He is a very happy camper every night, surrounded by beautiful and intelligent maidens because of your efforts.

And who would have thought, because she just couldn't keep that old "affair" a secret any longer, instead of being remembered for her hard work, she will more than likely be remembered in history as the woman who once loved a married black man and because she did not want to ruin her career or his, she kept it a secret.

Or maybe it was because he was a...dare I say it...a Republican?

Yes, the once famous woman went from serious journalism, to tabloid fame. Her most famous interview was when all of the world watched two hours of Monica Lewinsky! We're still not sure where she hide that cigar.

And now she says that over 40 million people get their news from "The View."

It's hard getting old...

So, why did she do it? Ruin all her hard work just to be remembered for an affair with a married man? Was it because she wanted to finally let the world know that at least some man found her sexy? She lost money in Vegas?

Actually, I think it was Castro that she REALLY had the hots for...it was just not to be.

Poor Barbara...missed the prom. Can't cook, can't clean--but she has proven that even though she has been in the business longer than anyone remembers...

All she has learned is that you do not let a gay lesbian take over your own show.

Thank you Barbara, your imperfections make us all feel a little better, and you're richer for it.

 

Tags: humor  
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Nobody Digests Global Magazines

Nobody’s Opinion: I’m not really fond of change. Nobody is. Give me something I can count on. I want my car to start, and I want the bacon to taste like bacon, not like a tire covered in grease and homogenized glue.
 
So when I opened my Readers’s Digest this month, I was relieved to find out that a new editor had taken over. Due to the high price of gas, one must cut corners somewhere, and it was nice to know that not renewing my subscription was going to be easy.
 
All I needed to do was read, “we open a window on our increasingly connected world. (Here comes the globalist propaganda...) And because we know you want to stay current without necessarily going back to college we’ve started a new feature called Quick Study, which gives you, well, “the Reader’s Digest version” of a news topic in four quick pages.”
 
Oh boy.
 
What?---are they going to start teaching us the real math, history, and grammar that everyone was not taught in public school? Or will it be the new lessons of--- volunteer your time, you fat American, and while you’re at it, keep asking your doctors for all these wonderful pills we advertise now being made in trustworthy China...
 
Okay, so it’s not exactly the National Review. Still, the Readers Digest had uplifting stories in it about ordinary people, doing the most heroic things…a nice change from the usual American basing that we have been bombarded with. The Digest was almost the last place with good stories of true Americans, and their everyday bravery.
 
Sadly, I saw this same “change” come to another magazine around 1988. When National Geographic put out a special issue called, “Can Man Save This Fragile Earth?” I knew the world and common sense, was being reprogrammed.
 
Gilbert M. Grosvenor, the President and Chairman of the board, had obviously signed onto Al Gore’s upcoming global Armageddon. The once beloved magazine that was an encyclopedia of geography, one in which nations were portrayed as individual, became a pictorial nightmare of trash and human misery.
 
The globalization of that magazine is now on cable, where it proceeds to further its case. This morning I watched them try to explain just why the exodus of Moses did not happen.
 
Ben Stein has another movie awaiting him.
 
For instance, did you know that most scientists can find no evidence whatsoever that Moses lead the exodus out of Egypt, therefore, to them, it just didn’t happen? God parting the Red Sea was particularly upsetting to them.
 
One scientist said that a volcano erupted causing a tsunami at exactly the right time. (They all had trouble with the timing issue.) Another made a little model of the Red Sea and pulled out his leaf blower…that was fun.
 
One scientist said that there were actually volcanic eruptions under the sea, which caused a temporary bridge of hot molten lava, that he believed the Jews actually ran very fast across. (Right) The Egyptians chariots sunk in the lava; Jewish Carts, everyone knows, weigh nothing.
 
Another man suggests that everyone got it wrong. Moses escaped over the Sea of Reeds…not the Red Sea.
 
Then one guy actually pulled out evidence (you know the kind that scientist are always claiming there is none of) to prove his theory that at the time there might have been a sandbar. He claimed no knowledge of how the sea was parted, but he did find a rock with some bronze in it, and artifacts matching the Bible. The others made fun of this guy. He needed at least three sources of “evidence” to be believed.
 
So, by their reasoning, God could come down to Earth, and actually part the Red Sea right before their eyes---but that wouldn’t be enough proof. They would say, “Give us more proof that you’re God.” and God could say, “Well, I am God because I don’t need any proof to know that you guys are morons."
 
In conclusion, there was no record of Moses, and the Exodus never happened, forget the Bible. So spoke National Geographic.
 
Well, there is no record of the Big Bang, so I guess that never happened either.
 
 Like I said, I hate change. I opened to an article in my Readers Digest, just to be sure--- “Quenching a Thirst--How one teacher and 900 student discovered the joy of helping a village hallway around the globe.”
 
Until I see more proof of that joy…hey, I’m saving a tree.
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive
« Previous1Next »